The Illustrious Relaunch of Men-Flat!

That's right, boys and girls, I'm back. "What has he been doing during his long hiatus?" you wonder aloud to your mostly Hispanic choir of pool boys.

How about working in [fill in African country here] to find a cure for [insert strange-sounding disease here]? Does that do anything for you?

Or maybe the fact that I've been busy trying to edit the daily updated(!) comedish magazine Duct Tape & Rouge? That alright with ya?

Or composing my book-length essay on why Byron Allen is the Anti-Christ, to be given away for free as a public service so more folks can see through this smug entertainment reporter's lies? Think that's worthy enough to explain my extended absence?

But with all of those life-changing events out of the way, it's time to get back to the business that God(1) put me on this Earth for: random blogging!

In the upcoming days, weeks, months, and years I will be typing sentences (and sometimes paragraphs) about a variety of subjects, using common grammatical devices such as words, periods, commas and, occasionally, the semi-colon. These subjects will include the emergence of the forward pass in professional football, the surprising unattractiveness of Evanescence's lead singer Amy Lee, and the odd parallels between the words "pens" and "penis".

So prepare yourselves, ladies and gents(2) for a blog like no other(3).

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(1) or alternately, Joe Pesci
(2) mostly ladies, I'm guessing, because of my general cocksmansitude
(3) not technically true