Thursday, May 25, 2006

Monday's On The Case!


Whatever happened to the true investigative reporter?

A man with a 3-pack-a-day habit, a quarter-full fifth of vodka in his bottom desk drawer, and a press pass tucked into his dirty fedora. A man who would go into the field armed with only a tape recorder, a pad of paper, and his guts. A man with no morals, other than telling the public the entire story and letting them sort it out.

Nowadays, reporters just spend time surfing the Internet(s) to copy-and-paste their reports from the AP newswire. "Following leads" means clicking an extra hyperlink.

Thank God for Carl Monday. Cleveland's Investigative Reporter.

Carl Monday isn't going to stand for this breed of "pussy" journalism that's flourished recently. Carl Monday is going to go out there, into the bowels of Cleveland (public libraries) and set up a sting (with video cameras) in order to catch filthy perps in the act (of masturbating in a public place while downloading Internet porn).

And then, after collecting the video evidence, is he going to be a vaginally-equipped human being and turn the tape over to the police? No, sir (or madam)! Carl Monday doesn't associate with "pigs". (Unless he's bribing them for tips.)

He's going to show the video to you, the viewer, and let YOU come up with your own judgement.

And is the story going to end there? Fuck no! Being the testicular-fortituded man he is, Carl Monday will confront the man and ask, why exactly, he chose to masturbate in public while surfing for porn in a library. A good reporter's got to get both sides to every story.

For more information -- and, after reading the above, I couldn't imagine you not wanting more infomation -- head over to Deadspin for all the sordid details.

2 Comments:

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