tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-119353982011-12-01T00:43:21.939-08:00A place for ideas. Mostly, stinky ones.Ricknoreply@blogger.comBlogger711100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-84412990507935395002007-02-12T00:12:00.000-08:002007-02-04T22:06:08.081-08:00

Yeah, so, I haven't been writing here. Oh well. Boo-hoo. Get over it. But that doesn't mean I haven't been writing. In fact, I've been doing all sorts of fun stuff. Like ... 1. Editing The Coming - a new blog that focuses on the LA comedy scene. 2. Writing a weekly-ish article for the Chicago Sports Review. 3. Taking a sketch-writing class at Second City. 4. Trying to meet black people!5. ...

Ricknoreply@blogger.com58tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-68790856545449974932007-01-15T22:16:00.000-08:002007-01-15T22:19:10.949-08:00

The Best Scenes from "The Wicker Man"-----Old Spice Commerical starring Bruce Campbell-----Spanish FOX Sports commercial -----Season 2 Promo for "Election"

Ricknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-87317440561168370672007-01-11T00:22:00.000-08:002007-01-11T16:42:47.964-08:00

My work bathroom is tight. Literally. There's only one urinal, and that's usually unflushed, full of extremely yellowish-orange leftovers. There are two stalls, but unless you get lucky and the prime handicapable stall real estate is open, you have to cram yourself into the "normie" stall nestled tightly in the middle. Because of the cramped quarters, whenever I'm in one of the stalls going about

Ricknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-71229752119723946022007-01-10T00:27:00.000-08:002007-01-10T00:38:59.708-08:00

There's still 90+ hours left in the Democrats first 100 hours of Republican ass-whomping, but they don't really have to accomplish much before being seen as superior to the previous incarnation.From The Week:Of the 383 bills that were signed into law during the recently adjoined 109th Congress, more than one-qyarter dealth with naming or renaming federal buildings, primarily post offices.

Ricknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-4106784142896829842007-01-09T01:10:00.000-08:002007-01-09T01:10:31.636-08:00

During this seemingly year-long memorial of Gerald Ford, a whole lot of people have their flags at half-mast, and it got me wondering. When are you allowed to put your flag back up all the way? Is there some protocol for the importance of the individual? As a matter of fact, there is.From Ask a Guru:When a president or former president dies (or as you so eloquently put it, croaks) the flag must

Ricknoreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-69771424847540991752007-01-08T05:00:00.000-08:002007-01-05T22:26:09.068-08:00

I've had a hard time believing the government ever since they lied about tracking Santa Claus on NORAD.

Ricknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-9054636306259718732007-01-05T18:14:00.000-08:002007-01-05T18:18:29.864-08:00

On the Rosie vs. Donald feud, I've decided that Rosie's to blame, if only because she single-handedly ruined the "Stakeout" franchise.

Ricknoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-74136770349908991442007-01-04T18:57:00.000-08:002007-01-04T19:09:12.799-08:00

When your cat dies, how long do you have to wait until you purchase a new one? Is it wrong to get a new one that very night?If not, why doesn't someone open up a drive-thru kind of Store-etary where you fling your deceased cat's carcass into the first window (The Incinerator Room), drive up to a cat menu to find the replacement, and make the purchase at the third window?(Note: This won't work for

Ricknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-15587434062388358152006-12-21T18:08:00.000-08:002006-12-21T18:19:32.429-08:00

If you happened to be watching the Chargers-Chiefs game last Sunday night, you heard one of the best entries in the canon of Madden Subconscious Ramblings to date.This exchange happened in the 3rd quarter, after coming back from a commercial break by showing clips of workers making french fries in an In-N-Out Burger:MADDEN - "You know what I'd hate to be, it's a potato."MICHAELS - "Among other

Ricknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1165980779962341902006-12-12T19:32:00.000-08:002006-12-13T21:11:12.159-08:00

I know that tales of your Fantasy Football team are about as interesting to other people as stories of what you dreamed about last night, but this one from last week, I have to share. This past weekend was the first round of our playoffs. Embarassingly, since my team (The Gem Saloon Cocksuckers) had a horrible season, I was in the Loser's Bracket.I was facing the horrendously-named Nobody Beats

Ricknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1165980740182802002006-12-12T19:31:00.000-08:002006-12-12T19:32:20.193-08:00

One article over at McSweeney's, another at CSR. If I didn't have a girlfriend, I'd be rolling around in Internet groupie poon right now.

Ricknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1165562057424749482006-12-07T21:06:00.000-08:002006-12-07T23:14:29.263-08:00

How did the horse who fucked a man to death feel when he found out they were making a movie of the incident?Giddy-up!

Ricknoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1165389728928542332006-12-05T23:10:00.000-08:002006-12-05T23:22:08.950-08:00

Last night, I had a dream where a nice couple decided to crash in my studio apartment. They seemed nice enough, but right before they tucked themselves into their sleeping bags, they warned by that there was "a serial killer on the loose". Suddenly scared for my life, I replied with the only analogy that felt appropriate: "That's like leaving a eunuch to protect the harem!" I woke up.Looking back

Ricknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1165292016241775862006-12-04T20:11:00.000-08:002006-12-04T20:13:36.253-08:00

Entry from November 27:The Future of Democracy: Emerging IssuesObeausityAround 2015, Americans will realize it would be much easier to change their standard of beauty than to lose weight. From that point on, we will embrace our indulgent lifestyles. Gyms will close, fad binge books will rule the best-seller lists, and singles ads will end with the phrase "Yes fatties".

Ricknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1165217079022870752006-12-03T23:17:00.000-08:002006-12-04T19:48:27.683-08:00

During our trip to Denver a few weeks ago, me and my girlfriend – a woman of infinite mystery and treacherous hormone injections – spent a lot of time in diners. (I’d like to think that it had less to do with our general thriftiness, and more to do with feeling the cozy comfort of a home-cooked meal in a non-pretentious setting, but then I’d be lying to myself.) Some of them were good. Some of

Ricknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1165035158139855912006-12-01T20:43:00.000-08:002006-12-01T20:52:38.150-08:00

Since every third story these days is about Lindsay Lohan, I thought I'd put up these screenshots I stumbled onto today:It's from a simpler time, back before Ms. Lohan turned into a spoiled cunt, and she was just a child actress, challenging herself with such groundbreaking performances as playing the dual roles of Hallie Parker and Annie James in the Disney's 1998 cult classic, The Parent

Ricknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1164871910829257472006-11-29T21:33:00.000-08:002006-11-29T23:31:50.940-08:00

Whenever "Don't You Forget About Me" by Simple Minds comes on the radio, I'm forced to make a choice. Should I change the channel and find something else? Or should I turn it up, avoid eye contact with others, and have myself a good Lifetime Original Movie-esque sob session?For some reason, a lot of 80s music makes me feel depressed. It's not so much the Guns 'N' Roses and Motley Crue-type stuff

Ricknoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1164788257346493112006-11-28T23:54:00.000-08:002006-11-29T00:17:43.480-08:00

During our recent trip to Denver "the city built on jaywalking", my girlfriend told me an interesting "fact"(1). She said that Denver's population has the highest percentage of residents who are college graduates in the entire U.S. Something like 40% of people living there have completed a four-year course.At first, I was skeptical, seeing as Bush got Colorado's popular vote in 2004.(2) Plus,

Ricknoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1164772098363581722006-11-28T19:28:00.000-08:002006-11-28T23:28:14.100-08:00

Touchstone Pictures is doing an interesting thing marketing Mel Gibson's new movie Apocalypto. Instead of shying away from mentioning Gibson's name - a move that would seem inevitable with the recent drunken admission of his anti-Jew, pro-sugar tits stance - he's actually more front-and-center in the ads than any other director I can recall.Just take a look at the top part of the one-sheet:Not

Ricknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1164700382105231422006-11-27T23:45:00.000-08:002006-11-27T23:53:02.106-08:00

When hippies have sex, how long does it take to untangle the enormous mound of fluff that is their combined mass of unshorn genital hair?

Ricknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1164699920341958252006-11-27T23:16:00.000-08:002006-11-29T22:20:05.613-08:00

The complete lack of opinion in their definitions:(Click for larger image)To be fair, Vick has the better rushing average-per-attempt (RAA) and genital herpe average-per-pubic-square-inch (GHAPSI).

Ricknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1164566803904832942006-11-26T10:09:00.000-08:002006-11-26T10:46:43.966-08:00

That's right, boys and girls, I'm back. "What has he been doing during his long hiatus?" you wonder aloud to your mostly Hispanic choir of pool boys. How about working in [fill in African country here] to find a cure for [insert strange-sounding disease here]? Does that do anything for you? Or maybe the fact that I've been busy trying to edit the daily updated(!) comedish magazine Duct Tape &

Ricknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1155889562716759712006-08-18T01:18:00.000-07:002006-08-18T01:26:02.726-07:00

I know I haven't been here much. Some of that has to do with edited the 3rd issue of Duct Tape & Rouge. Some of it is because work decided to block any blogspot sites (Sorry, FreeDarko). But, more than anything else, it's just general laziness. So I've decided to make it up to with with the following trio of links to fantastical music-related news items! - Tom Waits' plans to announce a new CD,

Ricknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1155013305621750602006-08-07T21:42:00.000-07:002006-08-07T22:01:45.623-07:00

Read the column that has all of the Internet sports columnists talking!*"Good Stuff"-King Kaufman, Salon.comOutstanding work!-Will Leitch, Deadspin.com":)"-David Pinto, Baseball Musings.comDo you want to be like one of the above fantastic writers, then why not check out the column for yourself and write your own personal quote below? *in response to personal emails I sent them with the above

Ricknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1154333786310046242006-07-31T01:14:00.000-07:002006-08-07T22:02:54.446-07:00

Recently I did an interview with Richard Roeper of the famed thumbs-up, thumbs-down show. They wanted to call the piece "Rick on Dick", but I didn't want to get pigeonholed as a someone who writes book-length essays on the various penises (or, is it penii?) found in the wilderness.It doesn't look like the article's going to be online, so if you want a PDF file of the whole thing (not that long)

Ricknoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1153369164132166082006-07-19T20:39:00.000-07:002006-07-19T21:44:00.630-07:00

Those who know me know that I have a problem with a lot of the conspiracy theories going around today. I believe that the 9/11 Commission Report is accurate, or at least that they didn't intentially mislead people. I believe that Lee Harvey Oswald killed JFK. I don't think the government is hiding aliens in Area 51. And despite all of the known recorded oddities surrounding the Ohio election of

Ricknoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1153185031121019202006-07-17T18:08:00.000-07:002006-07-17T18:10:31.360-07:00

New baseball article up at McSweeney's. High-five!

Ricknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1152769140637869512006-07-12T22:35:00.000-07:002006-07-12T22:39:00.646-07:00

My fantasy is being pleasured simultaneously by the three main anchors on network TV's three main morning stations (CBS's Hannah Storm; NBC's Katie Couric; and ABC's Diane Sawyer). Then, after hours and hours of feather-tickling, full-body rubdowns, and toe-cracking, Maria Bartiromo from CNBC's Closing Bell comes waltzing in, wearing white lingerie and packing two double-dildos. I'm sure you can

Ricknoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1152587223248532472006-07-10T20:03:00.000-07:002006-07-10T20:10:55.170-07:00

The only place you see Dean Cain anymore is the All Star Legends & Celebrity Game. Maybe the rest of the year he's just getting in shape for it.

Ricknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1152587956938614712006-07-10T19:58:00.000-07:002006-07-10T20:19:16.940-07:00

My next script is going to be about a time traveler from the 1930s, who was sent forward into the present in order to save the world from a threat. Let's go ahead and say that the threat is the advance of supersized walnuts on the masses, upset with the encroachment of man on their fields. But the problem is that the time traveler (whom we'll call Seamus) is a very heavy smoker. And everytime he

Ricknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1152318739405656592006-07-07T17:18:00.000-07:002006-07-07T17:32:19.423-07:00

This goddamn bum.What the fuck? Every time you're standing outside of Walgreen's, with your bottle of window cleaner (or maybe just blue-tinted water) and sign proclaiming your services to wash my car's windows for tips, I give you a dollar. Even if I walked. I don't mind that I'm not getting anything out of it, I'm just proud that you took initiative to work, so I reward you.But everytime I do,

Ricknoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1152116987519866742006-07-05T09:24:00.000-07:002006-07-05T09:29:47.536-07:00

Ever wonder where Michael Myers would bat in a lineup? Where Freddy Kreuger's bladed-mitt would be best in the field? Where Chucky or Norman Bates would play? And who would coach this rag-tag bunch of misfits? Look no further than this link, with my latest article for the McSweeney's folks. Thanks, everyone. Hope none of you blew your thumbs off lighting illegal fireworks as a way to set off

Ricknoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1151645772002109022006-06-29T22:30:00.000-07:002006-06-29T22:36:12.013-07:00

The good thing about the mass amount of porn on the Internet is that, if you’re turned down by a girl in your class, or have a secret crush on your co-worker, you can always find a look-a-like porn star that will show you her boobs. It’s better than doing a cut-and-paste MS Paint job. Trust me.

Ricknoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1151612187213984132006-06-29T13:14:00.000-07:002006-06-29T13:16:27.226-07:00

New piece up over at Chicago Sports Review regarding A.J. Pierzynski and his important and necessary role as an agitating asshole. Enjoy.

Ricknoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1151552680976686482006-06-28T20:40:00.000-07:002006-06-28T20:44:40.986-07:00

I was using a one-person public bathroom, when all of a sudden the door opens and a man walks in. He took a look at my ass, yelled out “Way to lock it, buddy!” and slammed the door in frustration. I concluded he was a repressed homosexual who was worried that seeing a penis, or a well-shaped ass like my own, would push him over the edge into the lifestyle of short-shorts, bushy mustaches,

Ricknoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1151382948199066922006-06-26T21:31:00.000-07:002006-06-28T15:02:54.020-07:00

If you see a man over the age of 18 wearing his hat backwards, there’s a 85% chance he’s retarded. Or has a penis girth of negative inches. I'm not making this up. Tests have been performed.EDIT: Apparently, men that wear their hats backwards also get detained on their way back from the Dominican Republic with some illegal Viagra.

Ricknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1150934075375363032006-06-21T16:18:00.000-07:002006-06-21T16:54:35.393-07:00

A few weeks ago, my girlfriend Terese sent me the scariest email I've gotten since someone sent me the rap sheet of Brian Peppers. The email contained two astrological charts, one from herself and one from Ms. Ann Coulter:She pointed to the similarity between the shape and distribution of the charts. (See how they both point towards the upper right like an arrow?) Now, I'm not too into the whole

Ricknoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1150914711064250262006-06-21T11:30:00.000-07:002006-06-21T11:31:51.083-07:00

Nothing makes me happier than the slow demise of Scott Stapp.

Ricknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1150911848751249492006-06-21T10:42:00.000-07:002006-06-21T10:44:28.336-07:00

If anyone ever asks you if you liked Thomas Dolby, tell them you were into his old stuff. Before he sold out.

Ricknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1150840923941241372006-06-20T14:57:00.000-07:002006-06-20T15:02:03.956-07:00

Ahoy, people of various ethnicities and sperm-ownership, It is time, once again, to reveal the volumptuous fruits of our intense, 12-hours-a-day sweatshop-esque labor. Ladies and gents: Duct Tape & Rouge, Issue Two. For those of you who aren't familiar with it, DT&R is an independently-created, poorly-produced magazine filled with filthy words, sporadic pictures, original artwork, and varying

Ricknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1150783532809461962006-06-19T22:57:00.000-07:002006-06-19T23:05:32.823-07:00

One of the strangest sentences you'll ever read: David Lynch has ringtones you can download.

Ricknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1150735658373866312006-06-19T09:45:00.000-07:002006-06-20T15:16:03.473-07:00

What does an angry man with genital crabs say?

Ricknoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1150509017896586572006-06-16T18:21:00.000-07:002006-06-21T16:16:54.420-07:00

Since the dawn of porn, directors and actors have tried to top their predecessors by performing more and more outrageous stunts with more and more of their orifices involved. Missionary begat Doggystyle. Doggystyle begat Threesome. Threesome begat Anal. Anal begat Double Penetration. Double Penetration begat Double-Anal. Double-Anal begat Double-Anal-Double-Vagina. And really, save the use of a

Ricknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1150311184979339412006-06-14T11:37:00.000-07:002006-06-14T11:53:05.006-07:00

First, from Defamer, comes the story of Jenna Elfman verbally attacking a man in an anti-Scientology T-shirt (pictured above):According to Roecker, who first recounted the incident on LA's KROQ-FM's Kevin and Bean Show, the invective started to fly after he made several references to Scientology theology and its reported central tenant, the story of Xenu. Roecker says Jenna repeatedly said "What

Ricknoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1150301853164113302006-06-14T09:09:00.000-07:002006-06-14T11:58:18.673-07:00

Has there ever been a better-named character than Ron Burgundy? Take a moment to look at that name again. With "Ron", right away you picture a white man with a partial-fro and mustache. And "Burgundy", for some reason or another, denotes a cocksman of impeccable taste. Ron. Burgundy. Now that's poetry. Go fuck yourself, Lord Byron.

Ricknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1149908319204817072006-06-09T19:57:00.000-07:002006-06-09T19:58:39.213-07:00

Latest article up over at McSweeney's.

Ricknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1149816914700172802006-06-08T18:18:00.000-07:002006-06-08T19:26:36.890-07:00

"At least, outside of jail."(It's a shame the game-makers made it so tough to beat the game. Or else, when the kids would brag during class about their amazing "finger speed", leading to unwarranted detentions given for the subtle sex jokes, with the vicious cycle concluding in the eventual parent-teacher conference, where everyone involved would realize the vast miscommunication, their giggles

Ricknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1149708260793783492006-06-07T11:53:00.000-07:002006-06-08T19:27:36.060-07:00

Evidence: His given first name (Robert) has 6 letters. If you add a letter (say, an 'X') to his last name, then it contains 6 letters.Presumably, his middle name has 6 letters. Look out, God. The Antichrist might look like a mild-mannered widower and father of three. But deep down inside he's a late-night joke-spinner, with an excessive amount of inappropriate abortion-based humorisms in tow. (

Ricknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1149699509078984482006-06-07T09:54:00.000-07:002006-06-07T09:59:58.953-07:00

Somewhere, deep down inside, I think Lauer's rage is a device for shielding his giant depression from Katie Couric's departure.(And yes. I'd still have sex with her.) (If she brought her own ball-gag. BYOB.)

Ricknoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1149620336647011262006-06-06T11:51:00.000-07:002006-06-06T11:59:32.913-07:00

I got my brand new computer with 120 GBs of memory today. To compare, the computer I've had for the past 6 years has 1.8 GBs of memory. That's over 60 times the storage space that I'm used to having.Time to upgrade your servers, Mr. Internet Porn.

Ricknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1149553599895028982006-06-05T17:25:00.000-07:002006-06-05T20:38:14.703-07:00

Just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should.

Ricknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1149541951858008962006-06-05T12:38:00.000-07:002006-06-05T17:01:26.466-07:00

If you're a fan of horror movies, then you have to be forming an enormous erection from the following news:Rob Zombie is resurrecting Michael Myers, one of the big screen's favorite horror villains. Zombie will write and direct a new "Halloween" movie, serving up what is being called as a brand-new vision for the long-running horror series.While there's been extreme mixed opinions on Zombie's two

Ricknoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1149492287230296652006-06-05T00:21:00.000-07:002006-06-05T00:26:41.606-07:00

Mental Flatulence is currently the third hit for the phrase "margot kidder masturbating" when searched on Google. I will now be putting The Reincarnation of Peter Proud at the top of my NetFlix queue.Thanks, Random Internet Pervert! You lead the way and I'll follow.

Ricknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1149229265755413112006-06-01T23:15:00.000-07:002006-06-02T09:29:59.896-07:00

Went to check out a video tonight, and this was on their front page:

Ricknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1149195109767436662006-06-01T13:30:00.000-07:002006-06-01T13:55:11.000-07:00

Titled "Vincent", this short animated film from 1982 tells the story of a young suburban boy who wants to be Vincent Price. It not only showcases the unique visual flares and story style that Burton will later ne known for, but also gives the real Vincent Price an opporunity to do what he does best: deliver some Poe-etic rhyming couplets in his trademark creepy voice. (a tip of the hat to The

Ricknoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1149184547912511372006-06-01T09:51:00.000-07:002006-06-01T13:08:27.890-07:00

Nine years before Bob Clark brought us Ralphie, a drunken Santa Claus, a Red Ryder BB gun, and a warning to any kids thinking about licking ice off a metal pole, he made a very different kind of Christmas story.The story of Black Christmas is simple enough. In fact, I'll let NetFlix sum it all up:This 98-minute film is a stark and stylish horror/thriller that turns everyone's favorite time of the

Ricknoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1149105320671537922006-05-31T12:51:00.000-07:002006-05-31T13:55:37.043-07:00

New article up over at Chicago Sports Review.Read it. Love it. Worship it. Caress it. Marry it. Eat it. Divorce it. Prophesies it. Financially back it. Photograph it. Remix it. Elephantize it. And, finally, alphabetize it under A for Awesome.

Ricknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1149102332234882202006-05-31T11:07:00.000-07:002006-05-31T12:07:38.413-07:00

Slowly but surely, Zach Galifianakis has found his way into the dark, dark crevices of my non-gay heart.Maybe it's because of his odd brand of surreal heavily-bearded comedy. Maybe it's because he once heckled the crap out of Survivor's Johnny Fairplay while on stage. Maybe it's because he thinks Morrissey is "pretty cool". Maybe it's because he hates Bush. Maybe it's because, in all likelihood,

Ricknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1149018217178186182006-05-30T12:41:00.000-07:002006-05-30T13:06:32.980-07:00

Spoken to my bearded, hat-wearing friend by a man bagging his groceries:"You got a beard. You got a hat ... You got everything you need."

Ricknoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1149015108013613782006-05-30T10:40:00.000-07:002006-05-30T11:51:48.056-07:00

Yesterday marked the first time since May 17th that both the White Sox and Cubs won games on the same day. (To be fair, there was that 3-game stretch where the two teams had a rougher-than-usual game of paddy-cake.) And to celebrate the rare Chicago Dual Victory Day, ChicagoSports have decided to use the following pair of photos to lead off the stories:Whereas the White Sox 11-0 blasting of the

Ricknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1148672874041849812006-05-26T12:41:00.000-07:002006-05-26T12:47:54.063-07:00

Why are there always dried boogers on the walls in the men's bathroom?

Ricknoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1148594031606226802006-05-25T14:24:00.000-07:002006-05-25T19:17:16.010-07:00

Whatever happened to the true investigative reporter?A man with a 3-pack-a-day habit, a quarter-full fifth of vodka in his bottom desk drawer, and a press pass tucked into his dirty fedora. A man who would go into the field armed with only a tape recorder, a pad of paper, and his guts. A man with no morals, other than telling the public the entire story and letting them sort it out.Nowadays,

Ricknoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1148536395021025422006-05-24T21:59:00.000-07:002006-05-24T22:53:15.040-07:00

The following might be a bit upsetting to some of you (that is, if you're made of nothing but vaginas, which would be kind of interesting in itself, and most likely pretty stinky), but for those of you who enjoy bits and pieces of the macabre (you know who you are, sickos), then oh boy, have I got the reading material for you!It's a list of suicide notes collected from a coroner's office by a

Ricknoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1148512691862650142006-05-24T15:39:00.000-07:002006-05-24T16:42:54.260-07:00

Last night, while backing into a parking spot outside of UCB Theater, a middle-aged black man approached my open window."Hold on, buddy. You got to help me out."My Catholic-forced instincts of helping others (or God will destroy you!) took over. I asked him what the problem was, and he responded that he had AIDS."But don't worry, you won't catch it."Despite his reassurance, I pulled my hand back

Ricknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1148493010756533402006-05-24T10:23:00.000-07:002006-05-24T10:51:15.793-07:00

(But I'm guessing this one's for real ...)While the positives of your team winning a championship far outweight the negatives, there's still one aspect that all fans, nay, humans in general dread. And that's the eventual Championship Season Official Song.Now, I'm not talking about songs that your team adopts during the season as their own rallying cry. I mean the songs that get produced after the

Ricknoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1148428284057159982006-05-23T16:40:00.000-07:002006-05-23T19:39:31.303-07:00

Man wearing Cleveland Browns jersey intercepts drive-thru orders at Taco Bell(courtesy Fark.com)

Ricknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1148421216600890072006-05-23T13:54:00.000-07:002006-05-23T15:05:33.390-07:00

If you know me, you've probably been receiving an email or two a week about these 9/11 conspiracy theories floating around on The Great Soapbox of the Insane that clearly states my position on the whole matter. But for everyone else, here's a not-so-quick rundown to get you up to speed.My first exposure to the conspiracy was a few years ago when a short Internet video was released. I don't know

Ricknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1148405619043879772006-05-23T10:01:00.000-07:002006-05-23T19:38:32.303-07:00

There's no doubt that White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen has become one of the most quotable sports personalities today. Every interview he gives is comedy Yogi Berra-esque gold. If you can decipher it after the newspaper takes out all the expletives, that is.In this installment, Ozzie comments on the allegations allegedly made by a Cubs pitcher (Ryan Dempster) following the great White Sox-Cubs

Ricknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1148357160461090042006-05-22T20:59:00.000-07:002006-05-23T17:20:11.160-07:00

TiVo is slowly destroying society. With everyone getting to choose when and where they watch certain programs, one of the most enjoyable parts of life is dying: water cooler chat.No longer can you ask your co-workers about the question mark business in "Lost", if they thought it was really necessary for Phil to stick a pool cue up Vito's ass in "The Sopranos", or if they thought that it was smart

Ricknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1148345494109873262006-05-22T17:38:00.000-07:002006-05-22T17:51:34.120-07:00

Pretty interested, jumbo-sized sit-down interview with Stephen Colbert about his start back in Chicago's Second City, his Strangers with Candy days, the turn of the Daily Show from decent ha-ha non-sensical show to actual legitimate theater, all the way up to the enormous popularity of the Colbert Report these days.In the third part of the interview, he talks about how news stories aren't really

Ricknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11935398.post-1147121664492635872006-05-08T13:41:00.000-07:002006-05-25T19:26:28.613-07:00

Blah, blah, blah. Intro post. Blah, blah.

Ricknoreply@blogger.com0