My work bathroom is tight. Literally.
There's only one urinal, and that's usually unflushed, full of extremely yellowish-orange leftovers. There are two stalls, but unless you get lucky and the prime handicapable stall real estate is open, you have to cram yourself into the "normie" stall nestled tightly in the middle.
Because of the cramped quarters, whenever I'm in one of the stalls going about my business and someone walks in, I become extremely still, like I'm hiding from a T-Rex, or robbing a bank and the security guard just strolled by on his nightly walk-through. Of course, in this case, it's the exact opposite of stealing.
I not only stop all movement and paper ruffling, but also avoid dropping anything else into the toilet. When the newcomer leaves, I start again. This probably has less to do with me trying to be polite and more to do with my mostly-irrational fear of the new guy making fun of my puny dumpling upon hearing the tiny splash.
During one of my silent moments today, I got to thinking. Am I the only one who does this? Do other folks, in mid-defecation, freeze when they hear someone else entering the bathroom, and then start again once they leave?
I know there must be a few others like me out there, because there's been a handful of times when I've tried to open a stall door, only to find that it's been locked, currently occupied. In those cases, the occupant must have been keeping silent on purpose, or else I would have probably picked up on it. Toilet deposits are a messy business after all, with a lot of motion and odd noises.
Later, during my 2nd round, I opened the bathroom door and took a moment before heading towards the handicapable stall door. Was it occupied? I didn't her anything, but I felt another presence there. Almost like a psychic phenomenon. And, in fact, when I tried to open it, someone was in there, being as still as they could until I left, which I did immediately, since I could relate to this anoymous defecompadre.
On my way out, it got me thinking again. I'm sure you've all felt, at some time or another, the feeling of someone nearby, only to find out that your feelings were right.
With that in mind, I present to you The Great Bathroom Psychic Experiment!
To try this experiment you'll need two things:
1. A bathroom at work (or any non-public restroom) that has more than one stall.
2. The urge to urinate or defecate.
Step 1: When nature calls head over to the bathroom.
Step 2: Upon opening the door, take a moment to "feel out" the situation. If (a) you can see someone inside or; (b) you can hear any motion (rustling of papers, flush, fart, etc.) then the experiment is void.
Step 3: If you can't hear anyone or see any evidence of someone else's presence, stand by the door for 5 seconds. During this time ask yourself "Do I feel another presence? Is someone in there with me?"
Step 4: Once the 5 seconds are up, head to the stall and find out for yourself. You can listen for movement, try to open the stall yourself, or peek underneath for feet.
Step 5: Go about your business.
Step 6: When you return to your desk, record your results.
Is there such thing as a psychic connection between people? Can you tell someone is in the bathroom without any actual sensory evidence?
Do a few attempts, maybe 10 or so, then leave me a comment with your results. When I'm satisfied with the numbers of entries, I'll send them off to
Coast to Coast, where Art Bell and/or George Noory will bestow upon me an honorory Strange Phenomenon Hunter crown, to be worn during all of my future experiments.
We're on the brink of something extraordinary here, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you in advance for your participation.
